


10 different ways to say i love you (and the one time they do)

by vortecx



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Mentions of Becca, Underage Drinking, lots of profanity, most characters just pop-in like cameos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 01:00:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28751832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vortecx/pseuds/vortecx
Summary: Toni sulked into her chair. “I just had to be stuck next to you, didn’t I?”“Don’t talk to me. Someone might think that we’re friends.” Shelby huffed, obnoxiously pulling her book out of her bag.Toni chuckled, following suit, but in a calmer manner. “Don't flatter yourself.”orthe high school au where shelby and toni are sweet on each other but don't notice it through the hate in their eyes
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 70
Kudos: 520





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> hey so as you probably picked up from the title, there's going to be about 11 chapters minimum on this fic. each chapter takes about a good week or two for me to be happy with it, so i don't know how consistent i'll be with posting. i will say that i've already finished writing the second chapter, and am beginning to write the third, so expect the second one to come out in a day or two (depending on the response from this one)
> 
> quick psa: i have no idea how american high schools function (because i live down under) so take it easy on me if i get it completely wrong or if the spelling looks odd oops

1. _You okay?_

The school hallway was empty. It was dressed in its usual black and white, the teachers having done their part, hanging posters in primary colours, yet the overall impression was of drabness. The floor replicated a chess board, making the students its pieces.

And if Toni were to put any piece to her name, she’d be a pawn.

To be fair, she had good reason to think that. It seemed like she was only at school for the sake of it, adding no real contribution or importance to the community. She had gone through many conundrums with both the students and staff, either due to Andrew being a douchebag or the teachers treating her unfairly. Of course, she fought for what she believed was right, but obviously, the school didn’t agree with her, deciding to side with Andrew (or in other words, his family’s wealth) every single time. She was surprised she hadn’t been expelled yet, but it seemed that the only reason they didn’t was because they felt sorry for her and her foster care situation. They probably didn’t want it on their conscience to get rid of her.

Even though her and Andrew only had two classes together, their feud was possibly the biggest in the school. In almost every lesson, something would erupt between the two; it was only the matter of when, their most recent fight being in her physics class.

_Toni was seated behind Andrew when he was picking on a girl, Nora. Her first impression was that she was shy, due to the lack of social interaction Toni would see, but found out after a few lessons that she was one of those quiet geniuses that were way too smart for the rest of the class. Toni had never really spoken to her before, but in the classes they had together, she kept to herself._

_Toni appreciated that._

_Andrew kept on taking Nora’s books like a toddler, asking what different words meant. Toni didn’t know if she knew he was mocking her, or if she was just trying to avoid confrontation, but she answered every question._

_Sick of hearing his sad cry for attention, she interrupted their tutoring lesson._

_“Hey asshole, maybe if you paid attention in class, you wouldn’t look like that big of a fucking idiot.”_

_Nora gave her a thankful look._

_“Fuck you, Shalifoe. Mind your own business.” He drew his attention off Nora, now glaring at Toni._

_“Can you turn back around? I’d rather stare at the quote on the back of your shirt than your face.” It was a weak insult, but it made him self-conscious enough to put on a jacket on a hot day in a classroom with no air con. “Actually, I think you really suit the ‘Saturday’s are for the boys’ message. Really empowering.” Some of their classmates began snickering around them._

_“At least I’m not fucking homeless.”_

_Toni stopped smiling. Normally, she would’ve punched him by now, but after a conversation with her coach, she couldn’t risk getting kicked out of the basketball team. It was the only good thing about her school._

_“You know, I sometimes wonder how you can afford everything for school.” Andrew shuffled his chair to face Toni, which released an irritable screech. “Like, how do you do it without any parents? Did they disown you ‘cause you’re a dyke or- “_

_Toni shot up, shoving the desk towards Andrew. Although it was obvious he was trying to get a rise out of her, she balled her fists. Andrew threw his hands back with a smirk. “Whoa, calm down sweetheart. Wouldn’t wanna bruise those delicate hands of yours.” He laughed. Everyone watched in anticipation, wondering what she would say or do. It looked like a gunfight, each party staring the other down._

_Toni considered her options. If she punched him, she’d for sure be banned from playing the rest of the season, but it an ideal position to possibly break his nose and send him home for the rest of the day (which would be preferable, seeing as she still had gym class with him later. Plus, he deserved it). Before she could do anything, their teacher interrupted._

_“Now, now, Miss Shalifoe,” He began with a condescending tone in his voice. “Remember Newton’s third law,”_

_There was no fucking way this guy was turning this into a physics lesson._

_“Every action has a reaction.”_

_So she decided to flip him off and stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door behind her._

She found herself walking down the hallway, watching her dusty black Vans hit the floor in a quick manner. The echo of her footsteps bounced off the walls as she thought about what to do next. It was the first time she had walked away from a fight, and although she knew that she’d keep her spot in the basketball team, a part of her was itching to go back and have the last word.

She thought about her last conversation with Coach Ellis in his office.

_“If ever you feel the urge to, you know,” He leaned over his desk for Toni to hear him better. “Punch the prick, find a secluded place and count your breaths. It’ll help. I’m sure it’s not satisfying to walk away, but at least you’ll be able to play with the team.”_

She walked towards the bathroom, not aware of any other places she could get some privacy.

Along the way, she basked in her heated thoughts.

_What a dickhead. Fucking king of the castle._

When Toni finally got there, she pushed the door wide open.

And there stood the queen.

-

“For fuck’s sake, of course you’re here.” Toni muttered. She brushed past the other person in the bathroom and stood in front of the sink, her knuckles turning white as she gripped either side. She looked up at her scratched reflection and took a deep breath.

_Should’ve fucking punched him._

She closed her eyes.

 _One_.

She took another breath.

 _Two_.

Toni was planning on doing this until she reached ten, but sensing another set of eyes staring at her, she instinctively opened her own.

“What the fuck do you want, Shelby?”

The blonde took a step back in surprise. “I was just wondering what you were doing here.”

Toni scoffed. As if _Shelby_ , out of all people cared. She made it abundantly clear that she didn’t at last year’s school camp, pretty much listening to Shelby lecture her about how being gay was a sin.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t that _exactly_ , but listening to her sing Jesus-related songs on the bus ride home and not being able to escape had the same effect.

Besides, they all believed the same thing.

Toni turned on the tap and splashed some water on her face, trying to cool herself down quickly. “It’s the girl’s bathroom. I think I have a right to be here without an interrogation.”

Shelby rolled her eyes. “I was just concerned. You looked like you were gonna tear the sink off the wall or punch the mirror or something.”

Toni closed the tap and lifted her washed black shirt to dry her face. She turned around to look at the taller girl, observing what she was wearing. A white, striped button-up shirt, tied at the front, along with a pink pleated skirt. She raised an eyebrow at her outfit.

_The fuck is she wearing?_

Feeling vulnerable, Shelby nervously pat down her skirt, leaving her wrists crossed afterwards. She avoided eye contact, hoping Toni would break the silence.

Toni moved on, responding to her previous statement. “I’m not surprised you’d assume that. The only times my name is said is when Andrew says it.” Her jaw tensed visibly.

Shelby’s nails dug into now her crossed arms. “Well, I just don’t see why you’re always picking fights with him. He’s a good boyfriend and-”

“See, this is what I _fucking_ mean.” Toni snapped, deciding to take out the remains of her anger on her. “You just eat up all the bullshit he feeds you like a good Christian girl.” Shelby blinked in disbelief, taken aback by the sudden harshness in her tone. “Must be an absolute dream to date him, you know, listening to him rant about me on the daily, maybe even getting a little jealous- “

Not knowing what to do, she yelled.

“Shut up! You’re such a piece of crap!”

A grin began to form on Toni’s face. If she knew arguing with Shelby was more fun than Andrew, she would’ve taken the opportunity sooner.

She proceeded to clutch her chest, melodramatically. “I don’t know how I’ll ever recover.”

“Kiss my ass.”

“That’s a little too gay for you, don’t you think?”

Shelby cringed slightly as the words came out of Toni’s mouth, as well as the phrase she said preceding that. She never really knew how to argue, always being the optimistic peacekeeper of any group.

Toni smirked. “Thought so.” She turned back around and took out her hair-tie, redoing her ponytail.

The blonde took a step closer to her.

“You know, I feel sorry for you.”

“For what? Being gay?” Toni’s tone had changed, and her voice became hoarse. She turned around and leant back on the sink.

“For feeling like you need to be isolated from people like me.” Shelby corrected.

Toni crossed her arms. “Okay, what do you mean ‘people like you’?”

“Religious people.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, well, I shut everybody out on purpose, but not for that reason. Don’t feel too special.”

“I’m just trying to understand you.”

“Well don’t!” Toni glared at the girl, who gave her a baffled look. Toni almost felt bad. Maybe all Shelby did really want was to be accepting.

No, that wasn’t right.

“Can you go?” She hissed.

Shelby’s hair flicked over her shoulder as she exited the bathroom, not saying a word.

Once the door closed, Toni turned around to stand in the same position as she did before, veins popping out of her temple.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

_One, two, three…_

-

Later that day, during lunch, she found herself sitting in Coach Ellis’s office.

“Listen, Toni,” he began. “I know you didn’t punch Andrew, and I guess that’s somewhat an improvement.” Toni chuckled at the praise. Thinking about it, she was actually pretty proud of herself. Self-control was hard work.

Perhaps for the first time, she might not be to blame for once.

“But you did still truant and made an inappropriate gesture at Mr. Fisher, so unfortunately I have no choice but to suspend you from playing this Friday’s game.”

Toni’s face dropped. She thought this meeting would be positive, a simple ‘keep it up’ to prevent her from getting into any other fights.

But nope. Her school had failed her yet again.

“Are you serious?”

“Just because you didn’t punch someone doesn’t mean there aren’t any consequences.”

Toni leaned back into her chair and threw her hands up, exasperated. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

“Language.”

She rolled her eyes. “Is Andrew getting any crap for this at least? He started it; half the class can vouch for me- “

“Andrew is getting an appropriate punishment. You don’t need to worry about it.”

_More like no punishment at all._

“I still think this is bullshit.”

Coach Ellis sighed, the edge of impatience creeping into his tone. “If it were up to Principal Myers, do you think you’d be playing at all?”

Toni looked down; her mouth pinched shut to hold back what she really wanted to say.

_If it were up to Principal Myers, I wouldn't be here at all._

“No.”

There was an awkward silence between the two, neither person really knowing what to say or do next. Coach Ellis tapped his armrest, watching Toni fidget with the hem of her shirt.

“You’ve impressed me though, Shalifoe.” He said, breaking the silence. She glanced up at him. “Hopefully, you’ll manage that control ‘til the next game, yeah?”

Toni plastered a fake smile on her face for her coach, still annoyed. “We’ll see.”

-

As soon as the meeting had finished, the bell rang, signalling the end of lunch. She head to her next class, which was history. Somehow, she managed to be the last one to walk in, and when she saw that her usual spot in the back corner had been taken, she froze.

“Miss Shalifoe. You’re late.” Mrs. Pierre stated, as she stood in front of the room. Toni gripped her bag strap a little tighter, noticing that her whole class was now staring at her.

“Yeah, I was just with Coach Ellis. You can ask him if you want.”

Her teacher nodded. “I’ll be sure to follow that up later.” She began gesturing to the class, implying a change in the usual seating plan. “I’ve switched up where you’ll be sitting. Your seat is next to Miss Goodkind at the back.”

Toni looked at her in disbelief, then to Shelby, who rolled her eyes.

_You’ve got to be kidding me._

Already late, she took her seat without argument. At least she was still in the back.

She sulked into her chair. “I just had to be stuck next to you, didn’t I?”

“Don’t talk to me. Someone might think that we’re friends.” Shelby huffed, obnoxiously pulling her book out of her bag.

Toni chuckled, following suit, but in a calmer manner. “Don't flatter yourself.”

-

They had been surprisingly civil through the rest of the period. Even Toni was surprised. When the bell went, the only people left in class were Toni, Shelby, and Mrs. Pierre.

Shelby was still packing up her stuff when Toni was talking to her teacher.

“The seat is non-negotiable, Toni. I’ve put you all in areas ideal for your personal learning.”

“Ideal my ass,” She mumbled. She watched as her teacher raised an eyebrow and sighed. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay.”

Toni looked down at her shoes.  
“Hey, I know that you’re both mature enough to sit next to each other, so unless it starts getting physical, I’m not changing it.”

“Is that all it takes?”

“Toni.”

“Fine.”

Her teacher stood up from her desk.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Can you please at least try and make it work for the first two weeks?” She peered over Toni’s shoulder. “It seems like Shelby’s still here. Why don’t you have a conversation with her now?” Toni watched as she began walking to the door. “Just make sure you lock the door when you leave.”

And just like that, she left.

Toni glanced over at Shelby, who was now on her knees, searching the floor. Hesitant, she walked up to her.

“You okay?” She asked. Shelby looked up at her.

“Did you take it?”

Toni looked at her in confusion.

“What?”

Shelby was now standing, hands on her hips. She began pointing at the girl.

“I swear, if you took my phone, I will rip you from limb to limb!”

Toni grew hot by the sudden hostility.

“Fuck, no!” She quickly turned around and flounced towards the door. “I try to help for once, and this is what I fucking get.” Grasping the handle, she shouted again. “Just lock this when you leave!”

Shelby flinched as Toni slammed the door. Still frantic to find her phone, she looked through her bag a third time. When she felt her hand wrap around something like the shape, she pulled it out, realising her mistake.

“Shit.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> regan and marty come into the story (yay)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel as though some parts have been rushed and might not make sense, so lemme know if any clarifications need to be made! i haven't delved into Shelby's pov as much as i would have liked, but there's still more chapters in the making so yeah

2. _If it makes you feel better, you can punch me tomorrow_

It was Tuesday evening when Shelby messaged Toni, who was spending the night at Martha’s house.

**Unknown Number [8:20pm]:** hey

 **Toni [8:21pm]:** who is this

 **Maybe: Shelby [8:21pm]:** it’s shelby

 **Toni [8:22pm]:** how’d you get my number?

 **Shelby [8:22pm]:** martha gave it to me

“You gave Shelby Goodkind my number?” Toni was leaning against the wall when she held her phone up to Martha, who was sitting on her bed brushing her hair.

“Yeah, she asked for it. Why?”

Toni dragged her hand over her face. “Just the fact that she’s a bitch and I don’t like her.”

Martha put her brush down. “She said that she had something important to tell you.”

As if on cue, Toni got another message.

**Shelby [8:22pm]:** i just wanted to apologise about earlier today

 **Shelby [8:23pm]:** turns out you don’t have my phone

 **Toni [8:23pm]:** yeah no shit sherlock

Toni turned her phone off and threw it on the mattress in front of her. It wasn’t unusual for her friend to view most things as harmless.

She remembers the first time they met two years ago.

_Toni had just finished training, and she was exhausted. Coach Ellis had made them do the beep test, and alongside that, she had been missing almost every shot she’d taken, which led to a chat about her position on the team. She had managed to remain cool during the conversation, but as soon as she left the building and walked a few minutes away, she yelled at the top of her lungs._

_That’s when Martha pulled up next to her and offered to take her home. She had never had a conversation with the girl, but then again, they didn’t have any classes together and she never felt the need to approach her in the cafeteria, the only place they’d be within distance to each other._

_“You offer anyone who shouts on the streets a ride?”_

_“Only the ones walking alone in the sun carrying a heavy sports bag.”_

_“That’s not exactly safe, you know.”_

_“You don’t seem that dangerous.” She opened the door for her. “I’m Martha.”_

_“Toni.”_

_“Nice to meet you, Toni.”_

_They ended up going to Martha’s house that afternoon, and was introduced to her family. They had made her feel like she belonged in their house, or at least what she thought having a proper home felt like. Feeling some sense of security in the girl, Toni ended up venting to her about the whole practice._

She wondered where she would be right now if Martha weren’t so friendly.

Her phone dinged again. “God, what the fuck does she want?” She growled, grabbing it. A message popped onto her screen.

**Regan [8:25pm]:** hey, you busy anytime after school next week?

Martha noticed the change of emotion on her face. “Someone else?”

Toni looked up at her. “It’s Regan.”

**Toni [8:24pm]:** i’ve got training monday wednesday and hopefully a game on friday

 **Toni [8:24pm]:** why

 **Regan [8:25pm]:** just be ready at yours by 5pm thursday

“What’d she say?” Martha asked.

“I think she’s asking me to go out next week.”

Marty just nodded. Toni and Regan had been on and off dating for just over a year (currently on), but despite the many fights they had, Toni still stuck by her. It was unclear if Martha was a big fan of Regan, but if her best friend was happy, then she was happy too.

“Don’t give me that look, Marty.”

“I wasn’t giving you a look.”

Toni stood up to sit next to her best friend on the bed. “What are you thinking?”

“A lot of things, actually.” She began. “Like, one, why did Shelby Goodkind ask me for your number? Two, why is Regan suddenly asking to go out? And three, why aren’t you playing this Friday?”

Toni flopped onto her back. She threw her hand in the air to gesture as she counted.

“Okay, one, she got mad at me today for no reason and wanted to apologise. Two, we’re trying to… We’re just trying. Again.”

She heard Martha inhale sharply, and immediately sat up, prepared to give her an entire explanation.

“Listen, I know what you think of her Marty, but she messaged me yesterday for the first time in ages, and it felt… real, you know? Genuine. Like how she was when we first met.” Toni sighed. “We have history. I’m not ready to just throw it all away.”

“Toni.” Martha looked her in the eyes to assure her. “It’s okay. I’ll always be here for you.”

Toni’s ears began to redden at the sudden vulnerability she was feeling. She shoved her. “You’re so corny.”

“Oh, shut up. Now, tell me why you aren’t playing.”

Toni rolled her eyes. “It’s my punishment for arguing with Andrew in class.”

Martha cocked an eyebrow. “You guys had an argument, and you _didn’t_ get suspended?”

“Nope.” Toni said, popping the p. “It’s ‘cause I didn’t punch him.”

She explained the whole story to her, from the stuff that happened in her the physics class to seeing Shelby in the bathroom to her lacklustre meeting with Coach Ellis.

“What happened to him? I mean, if you explained the situation to me like you did to Coach Ellis and you got a suspension from basketball, surely he got something worse.”

Toni stood up and put her favourite black sweater over her ‘Hopewell Lake’ tank top. “Yeah, he got suspended. Like, ‘don’t-come-to-school’ suspended. I found out in gym class.”

“Do you know for how long?”

“No,” She responded. “I just hope it’s for a while.” Toni smirked as she lay down on her mattress. “Today was the first time I didn’t get in trouble in a class I usually would. Call me insane, but it’s like when he’s gone, everyone’s normal. No one tries to pick fights with me. It was actually a bit boring.”

“Well, at least there’s less of a chance for you to get kicked off the basketball team.”

“I guess.” She flipped onto her stomach. “Still boring though.”

Martha hopped off the bed. “I’m gonna grab a drink. Want anything?”

“A glass of water would be great.”

As soon as her friend left the room, she pulled out her phone and got another notification.

**Shelby [8:28pm]:** if it makes you feel better, you can punch me tomorrow

 **Shelby [8:28pm]:** lightly

Toni chuckled quietly. It was as if Shelby had read her mind.

Martha walked into the room and caught Toni smiling at her phone. She put the glass of water on the floor next to her and began drinking her own chamomile tea. “What’d Regan say?”

“Uh, actually, it was Shelby.”

Martha stared at her. “The same Shelby you just called a bitch, like, five minutes ago?”

“She said I could punch her tomorrow for being rude and I thought it was _funny_.” She explained, attempting to convince the girl that it was nothing more. “And before you say anything, yes, I am absolutely doing so.”

“No, you won’t. You wouldn’t hit anyone that didn’t deserve it.”

“You don’t know that. Mrs Pierre is forcing me to sit next to her for the next two weeks, but she said if it gets physical, she’ll move us. It’s a win-win situation, don’t you think?”

Marty sat back down on her bed. “I think you’re joking because the basketball team is your life.” Toni nodded in agreement, taking a sip of water. “And you don’t actually seem to hate her as much as you think.”

Toni choked on her drink. “What? No, she’s infuriating!” She protested.

Marty played with the teabag in her cup. “I kept quiet about it, but god, she’s so annoying. She reads her textbook out loud instead of her head like a normal fucking being, and hums her Jesus songs when she’s doing her work. Not only that, but when she thinks about her answer to a question she’s asked, she taps her pen on the table like a fucking woodpecker.”

“Toni, I think- “

“Oh, and you reckon my temper is bad? I went up to her at the end of class to ask if she was alright, because she was down on all fours like a fucking idiot, and she immediately accused me of taking her phone.” She downed the rest of her water and noticed the sudden silence in the room.

She looked over to Martha, who quickly averted her eyes to anything else.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing.” She said, innocently.

Toni sat up and faced her. “No, tell me.”

A smile began to creep onto Martha’s face. “Okay, so you’re telling me that from the first lesson you guys had sitting next to each other, you managed to make a pattern of all the things she does, _and_ asked her if she was alright, even though you guys had an argument in the bathroom earlier?”

“Yeah.”

Martha put her teacup down on the bedside table. “Intriguing.”

Toni furrowed her brows before realising what she was insinuating. “Oh god, no Marty! It’s not like that! She treats me like I’m a fucking charity case, it disgusts me.”

“Yeah, I obsess and talk about people who disgust me all the time too.”

“Shut up!” She threw her pillow at Martha, who was able to dodge it. “I don’t talk about her all the time. I’ve literally only mentioned her today.”

“Yet you’ve managed to talk more about her than Andrew and Regan combined.”

Toni groaned into her hands, as Martha threw her head, laughing.

“Can we stop talking about her?”

Her voice was muffled, but clear enough for Marty to calm down. After some time, she tucked into her covers, throwing Toni’s pillow back at her. “That’s up to you.”

Toni rolled her eyes, catching it. As she lay down, Martha leant over to turn her lamp off. “However, I am gonna sleep now, it being a school night and all.”

Toni turned onto her back. “You’re such a nerd.” She crawled underneath her sheets.

“Goodnight, Marty.”

“Night.”

-

The next day, Shelby was already seated when Toni walked in.

“And here I was hoping that you weren’t coming.” Shelby sighed, writing the date at the top of the page in her book.

“Nah, I wouldn’t miss the chance to do this.”

Shelby let out a sudden squeal as her arm jerked. Causing her hand to fly off the page, a black line extending from the ’a’ appeared on the page. She dropped her pen and clutched her shoulder, rubbing it gently. She proceeded to glance around to see if anybody had witnessed what had just happened, but everyone seemed to be busy chatting and/or setting up for class.

“You were right, it did make me feel better.”

“What was that for?” She snapped. “You made me mess up my book!”

“You poor thing.” Toni pouted. She sat down in her spot, nonchalantly dropping her bag on the floor next to her. “You said I could punch you, last night.”

“Yeah, _lightly._ ” Shrugging off her denim jacket, Shelby rolled up the sleeves of her yellow shirt to observe the area. “You better pray this doesn’t bruise.”

Toni uncaringly threw her workbook onto the table and pressed her hands together, closing her eyes. She mocked the girl, putting on a thick Texan accent. “Dear god, please don’t let Shelby’s arm bruise, because I am oh-so scared of what she’ll do to me if it does.” She opened her eyes to see Shelby scoff and put her jacket back on.

Dropping her hands, she changed her voice back to normal. “Relax, it won’t.”

“Like you’d know.” Shelby snarled, already fixing her page with some whiteout.

Toni narrowed her eyes at the girl. If anything, she herself would know the most about her own punches (Andrew a close second) and have some idea of how bruises work.

Mrs. Pierre interrupted her train of thought.

“Miss Goodkind,” She announced, her glasses slightly slipping down the bridge of her nose as she lowered her head. Everyone had gotten quieter, and neither girl noticed. “Care to share your comment with the class?”

Shelby shook her head and apologised “No. Sorry.” 

-

For a while, they sat quietly next to each other, but it didn’t take long for Toni to tick Shelby off.

Mrs. Pierre had written the task on the board, but instead of doing it, Toni was swinging back and forth on her chair, twirling her pen.

“Can you stop that?”

“Stop what?” She asked.

“Pushing off the table. The screeching noise is disturbing the class and it’s making me mess up my notes.”

Toni examined the room. Everyone else either had their heads down to write, paying her no attention, or were chatting to the people around them.

“No, it seems like it’s only you that’s bothered.”

Shelby put her pen down and turned her chair to Toni. “Look at you. You’re just begging for my attention.”

Toni continued to swing whilst grinning at Shelby. “You don’t think it’s the other way around? That’s cute.”

“Can you just be quiet? I’m trying to do my work. Please.” She pleaded. After glaring at her for a decent amount of time, she watched as Toni shut her mouth and settled down, all legs of her chair touching the ground.

Satisfied, she began to read the questions in her textbook aloud.

“Weren’t you just telling me to shut up?” Toni fumed.

“It’s different. When you read out loud, it improves your information processing skills, as well as your vocabulary and comprehension.”

“What, are you five?”

“From the looks of your work, you’re the five-year-old.” She gestured to the page in Toni’s book full of stickmen and other scribbles she couldn’t describe.

“Fuck off.”

Shelby looked down and continued writing, pleased to think that she had won that argument. She was about to start reading aloud again when she heard a ‘ding’. Looking for the source, she watched as Toni pulled out her phone.

**Regan [9:38am]:** saw this frog on the way to school and thought it looked like you

An image of a small wood frog popped up underneath the text. Offended, Toni began typing but Regan had beat her to it.

**Regan [9:38am]:** it’s cute

 **Toni [9:38am]:** wow, real smooth

 **Regan [9:38am]:** you know it ;)

Shelby had never seen Toni so red before, without being angry.

-

Their next couples of lessons together went like that. Toni was more focused on messaging Regan than doing actual work, and Shelby enjoyed the fact that she was being less disruptive.

At least, that’s what she convinced herself to think.

The snarky comments had stopped, but she wasn’t sure why. Deciding for herself, she figured that she had matured.

After packing her stuff up one lesson, Shelby caught up to Toni, who was already walking out the door.

“Hey,” She put her hand on Toni’s shoulder, as if to hold her back. Toni glanced at the hand on her shoulder, which quickly disappeared as she turned around. She watched as Shelby fiddled with the straps on her bag.

“Are you busy Saturday night?” She stammered.

Toni raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Why, are you asking me on a date?”

“A date?” Shelby scoffed out of habit. _Forget about maturity._ “Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom and vomit at that idea.”

Toni let out an exasperated sigh. “Get on with it, Shelby. I have to get to class.”

“Andrew’s throwing a party, and I was wondering if you wanted to come.”

Toni laughed out loud, shaking her head in disbelief. “Why would I ever want to do that?”

Shelby gave a one-sided shoulder shrug and looked at the floor. She had no clue why she was asking in the first place. Perhaps it was some sort of subconscious ‘thank you for not being an asshole’. “Andrew asked me to invite people. I think he just wants to brag about throwing a massive party.”

That sounded convincing enough.

Toni contemplated it for a moment, realising that she was being serious. Maybe she could finally beat Andrew up, since it was off school grounds.

But if she were to do that, she certainly couldn’t and wouldn’t stay over at Andrew’s place, so she needed somewhere to stay that night.

“Can I bring other people if I want?”

“Anyone.” Shelby nodded.

Toni nodded her head in consideration.

“I’ll think about it.”

-

5pm Thursday had arrived, and Toni was now sitting in the front seat of Regan’s car. It was different compared to when she was last in it. The interior still shared the same colours and materials as before, but it felt cleaner. It wasn’t just the vacuumed carpet or the polished windows; it felt like their break had turned a new leaf and wiped the bad memories away, feeling fresher and better than before.

“So, where do you want to go?” Regan asked, still in parking mode.

Toni shrugged. “I’m happy with whatever you wanna do.” She felt her phone vibrate in her pocket.

**Shelby [5:07pm]:** andrew’s figuring out food and drinks so we’re trying to get a rough estimate of people that are coming

 **Shelby [5:07pm]:** are you?

Toni had forgotten about Shelby’s random invite until now. She was about to reply saying ‘no’, realising how idiotic going to Andrew’s party was before she was interrupted.

“No, I picked last time. It’s your turn.”

She put her phone down for a moment, surprised by the fact Regan remembered their last date.

It was at the local bowling alley. All seemed to be going well, until Regan had made a big deal out of the fact that the cashier complimented her style when they were leaving. Jealous, she gave Toni the silent treatment the whole car ride back to her house.

Toni had decided to put some space between them afterwards, but when she got a message from her last week stating how much she missed and loved her, practically _begging_ her to give her a ‘second’ chance, she gave in.

Now they were sitting in Toni’s driveway, not saying much more than a few words to each other.

Toni thought about where they should go, hoping to avoid a similar conflict.

“I’m kind of hungry. Did you want to go to the food trucks near the park?”

Regan smiled. “Sure.”

When they got there, it was lively. Although the sun was beginning to lower over the horizon, you couldn’t even tell that the night was coming. The place was lit up; music blasting through the speakers around the area and people everywhere, filling the designated picnic tables to eat. It was hard to walk past the crowd, let alone decide what to eat. They couldn’t see half the options.

After some time, they came across a vibrant dessert truck with a massive ice-cream cone hovering on top of it. It was the beginning of dinner time, so it was no surprise that the line was short.

Toni didn’t even need to ask if Regan was okay with eating sweets; she could read it on her face.

“I’m cool with eating dessert right now. The rest of the trucks look really busy, and I’m not craving anything savoury anyways.” Toni smiled as Regan kissed her cheek and wrapped her arm around her waist, staying there as they walked over to line up. When they got to the front, they ordered two ice-cream tacos, a choc-mint for Toni and a plain chocolate for Regan.

No place to sit, they decided to sit in their cars, speed walking to prevent their ice-cream from completely melting. As they sat down, Toni began slurping the excess parts off the taco.

“You know, I will never understand why that’s a flavour. It’s like eating chocolate while brushing your teeth.”

“Hey, what’s the hate on choc-mint?”

“It’s green, Toni.”

“So is pistachio ice-cream.”

“Another abomination that shouldn’t exist.”

Toni rolled her eyes and put the paper container holding her food on the dashboard. Remembering the message she got from Shelby, she opened her phone.

**Toni [5:43pm]:** sorry, i was getting food

 **Toni [5:43pm]:** gimme a sec and i’ll let you know

Assuming that she was probably busy, Toni put it away and began to eat her taco again.

“Hey, so Andrew is having a party on Saturday. Wanna crash it?”

Regan tilted her head. “Andrew? Didn’t you beat him up, like, daily? How did you manage to get invited?”

She had no idea why. These last few weeks had been full of surprises, none which she could explain. “He doesn’t care who comes, he just wants to brag that he had a massive party.” She said, quoting what Shelby explained to her.

“Are there gonna be drinks?”

Toni nodded. “Probably.”

“Then count me in.”

She sent a text back to Shelby.

**Toni [5:48pm]:** i’m coming with probably two others

-

After some time, they were still sitting in the same spot, the only thing having changed being the amount of food in the car. Toni popped the last of the waffle shell in her mouth, and heard a small giggle next to her.

“What? What is it?” She looked over at Regan, staring blankly at the way she was laughing.

“You, Toni Shalifoe, are one of the messiest eaters I’ve ever known.” She lifted her hand to wipe the bit of ice-cream off the corner of Toni’s mouth, her hand lingering, just for a moment. Toni smiled, and began to blush as Regan tucked her hand in her loose curls, slowly bringing her face closer.

Before their lips could meet, Toni’s phone buzzed in her lap. Hesitantly pulling away, she opened the message.

**Shelby [5:59pm]:** you can’t be at the party

Toni furrowed her brows, trying to figure out where this was coming from. She quickly gave an apologetic look to Regan, who was now solely on her side of the car, fiddling with her rings.

**Toni [5:59pm]:** why not

 **Shelby [6:00pm]:** i don’t want andrew getting hurt

 **Toni [6:00pm]:** are you fucking serious?

 **Shelby [6:01pm]:** i’m sorry

Now she was mad. Not at the fact that she was uninvited; she could care less about that. It was more so the reasoning behind it.

**Toni [6:01pm]:** just when i thought you weren’t a bigot like the others

 **Shelby [6:01pm]:** i’ll explain it to you later

 **Toni [6:02pm]:** don’t

Ignoring the notification that was most likely Shelby again, she put her phone in her hoodie’s front pocket, keeping her hands there. She took a deep breath. “Sorry about that.”

“Who was it?” Regan asked, inconspicuously. Toni didn’t look up, missing the sour expression on her face.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Marty?”

Toni shook her head.

Regan faced her. She knew that Toni didn’t really text anyone other than Martha and herself, so when she had looked over at Toni’s phone earlier and saw the name ‘Shelby’ at the top, she decided to use it as a test to determine her loyalty and honesty. “Who were you messaging then?”

“It was no one, chill.”

“No, I want to know.”

Toni leant her head on the window and looked outside. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing, and I’m not doing this with you right now.” She uttered. “Can we go?”

“Not until you tell me who you were messaging.”

Toni combed her fingers through her hair and rubbed her neck, attempting to control her temper. “There’s nothing to be jealous about, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down,” Regan shook her finger at Toni, her voice close to shouting. “And I’m not jealous!”

After her exchange with Shelby, Toni was not in a mood to deal with Regan’s illogical skepticism. Eventually, she snapped.

“Jesus fucking Christ, do you not trust me?!” She roughly opened the car door and stumbled out, now standing on the curb.

She stood still for a moment and held the door open, wondering if Regan was going to say anything.

“Toni,” She began. “I do trust you.” She looked at the girl with what seemed to be care in her eyes. Toni bit her lip and reluctantly listened.

“I just want to know if you’re talking to other people.”

The flame that had built in her stomach had finally engulfed her whole body.

“Fuck you!” She spat out, slamming the door shut as a goodbye.

-

It was dark. The crickets were now chirping, and Toni had long gone from Regan’s car, walking a good ten minutes down the road with no direction. Her first intention had been to find a main road or intersection and make her way home from there, but that idea was soon clouded as she relived the evening in her head.

**_Shelby [5:59pm]:_ ** _you can’t be at the party_

_“I do trust you.”_

"Fuck!"

Toni kicked the dust from the gravel underneath, and swore as loudly as she could. Her eyes were blurring. The night was going so well; why did Shelby have to come in and ruin it?

It wasn’t until another ten minutes later, when she had calmed down that she thought to call someone.

“Hey Marty,” She began, a shakiness in her voice as she held the phone to her ear. “Something happened between me and Regan. Is there any chance you could pick me up?”

“I’m sorry Toni, I would, but I can’t. Mom took the car to work. Why, what happened?”

“Don’t worry, it’s all good.” Toni rubbed her forehead and sighed. “I’ll call you about it later when I get home.”

“Come over to mine. I’ve got a tub of ice-cream in the freezer and the whole night to talk.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, absolutely. Send me your current location and message me when you get here, okay? I’ll see you soon.”

Toni said goodbye and ended the call. She looked at her other contacts.

Normally, she would walk home if she couldn’t get a lift from Marty, but in this scenario, she knew she was a good thirty (maybe even forty) minute drive away and it was getting late. There wasn’t a lot of battery left on her phone to last however long it would take to even run.

There were only three options she considered.

The first were her foster parents, but she knew they were working late night, and it was highly unlikely that they would drive over half an hour to then drop her off at Marty’s place.

The second was Coach Ellis, but he had his own family, and only gave her his number if she was in an emergency. To be honest, she couldn’t tell if this was an emergency yet, so the last thing she wanted to do was call him.

The third and last contact was Shelby. They weren’t friends, but Toni knew that she had her own car after seeing her pull out of the parking lot one day after school. Even though she was probably the last person Toni wanted to see right now (excluding Regan), she was desperate, and desperate times called for desperate measures.

She looked at the unopened message Shelby sent her.

**Shelby [6:22pm]:** please call me when you’re free and i’ll explain everything to you

After the second ring, Shelby picked up the phone. She began to speak when Toni cut her off, telling Shelby her sole reason for calling was for a lift to Martha’s house. She sent her location and a half hour later, a white vintage car pulled up in front of her.

She approached it as the window rolled down. Shelby leant over the centre console to open the door.

Toni got in and slouched in her seat, reluctantly putting her seatbelt on.

It was going to be a long ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm wondering if you guys like the texting format + dialogue : action : narrative (as stated last chapter) 
> 
> ALSO should i give more backstory to each sort of relationship (excluding andrew and shelby, that's coming)? kinda brushed over them a bit, because let's be real we all only here for shoni
> 
> ******************  
> feedback is always appreciated :))


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say that i appreciate all the comments, kudos and bookmarks this work is getting, so thank you all <3
> 
> as per usual, i hope y'all enjoy :))

3\. _I wanted to apologise..._

Thirty minutes.

Thirty minutes was how long Toni was _supposed_ to be stuck with Shelby.

The first five were spent in silence. As much as possible, Toni did not want to socialise with the girl until she had calmed down, only taking Shelby’s phone and typing in Martha’s address without saying a word.

A few more minutes later, Toni regained control of her emotions, running a hand along the white leather armrest. She enjoyed the short moment of tranquillity; nothing but the sound of the engine running and a perfect vision of the stars in the sky as she rested her head on the window.

Of course, nothing this nice ever lasted long for her.

“Is this how it’s gonna be the whole trip?” Shelby questioned.

Toni ignored her.

“Oh, okay. The silent treatment. Real mature.”

She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. The road was surrounded by plains of grass, barely visible with the limited streetlights and cars, but it seemed to be the least of her concerns as she continued to speak. “A thank you would be nice. Y'know, a ‘Hi Shelby! Thanks for driving all the way out here at 7pm, an hour before your curfew!’”

Toni rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Shelby, I’m really not in the mood to argue.”

Shelby scoffed. “No, you cannot call me late at night to come give you a ride from wherever we are and not say anything. At least explain yourself, for goodness sake.”

Toni sat up and gave the girl a look. “You want me to explain myself?” Toni challenged. “Alright, well, I was on a date. _Someone_ decided to message me, and now I’m stuck in some old car with a religious Barbie doll for the rest of the night.”

“Okay, how is that my fault? I didn’t know you were out- “

“Yeah, you don’t know shit about me, Shelby, that’s your fucking problem.” Toni cursed. “You just make these baseless assumptions about people, and somehow manage to convince everyone that you’re a fucking angel.”

The blonde bit her lip as she turned onto a main road. No, she didn’t know a lot about the now furious girl, and she accepted that. But she wasn’t going to be blamed for everything.

“Listen, I tried to explain why you couldn’t come! You decided to ignore me like a child, just like how you are now.”

“I think I have a fucking right to!” Toni yelled. Shelby flinched at her words. It was lucky that the road they were on was brighter. Shelby was certainly not focused enough to be driving in the dark.

She took a deep breath. “Toni, I didn’t want Andrew getting into more serious trouble.” She reasoned. “Unlike you, I care about him.” Despite the frustration filling her mind, she remained composed.

There was a hint of venom in her voice, and Toni could tell. She leant her elbow on the arm rest, shifting herself as far away as she could from Shelby. The words ‘care’ and ‘Andrew’ certainly didn’t sit together in her dictionary.

“If he punches you, he’ll be in a lot more trouble with the cops than you. I just don’t want to risk it.”

For a second, Toni thought she was joking. But then, she looked over at Shelby, reading the seriousness in her eyes.

She realised how big of a mistake asking for a ride was.

“Pull over and let me out, Shelby.”

She began to unbuckle her seatbelt.

“We’re almost there- “

“I said, pull over and let me out, otherwise I’m gonna jump out of the fucking car.” Her hand was on the handle, ready to swing the door wide open to then tuck and roll.

Not wanting to aggravate Toni to the point where either of them could be harmed (e.g. Shelby locking the door and being stuck with a ticking time bomb, and Toni literally willing to jump out of the damn car), she reluctantly pulled over. Toni immediately got out of the vehicle, and began walking down the street. Shelby locked the car as she caught up to her.

“Toni!” She called out, jogging to her.

“Leave me alone, Shelby.”

She stood in front of her, placing both hands on Toni’s shoulders to stop her from moving any further. “What is your problem? I thought you hated Andrew, why do you want to go to his party so bad?”

Toni aggressively shrugged the girl’s arms off her. “Are you serious?” Her voice cracked. “I don’t care about the fucking party, Shelby!”

Shelby looked at her with confusion.

“I care about the fact that you think I’m some sort of fucking sadist, that I hurt people for the fun of it.” Toni let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding, watching as Shelby stood still, lost for words.

“Andrew has said some really fucked up shit.” She continued. “Forgive me for hating him.” She pushed past the girl and continued to walk to Martha’s house, leaving Shelby standing alone.

-

“And then you just left?”

Toni nodded, unable to speak as she took another spoonful of choc-mint ice-cream into her mouth.

Martha leant her elbow on the back part of the couch where they were sitting. “Have you considered that maybe Shelby isn’t to blame here?”

Toni raised an eyebrow. “Who else would I blame? Me?”

“Well, to be fair, she didn’t know about your date and your history with Regan, but no, you’re not who I’m talking about. I’m not talking about Regan either, and I hope you aren’t considering getting back with her.”

Toni shook her head. “No, I’m done with her. I can’t keep up anymore, it’s exhausting.” She dropped the spoon into the now-empty container. “So, who’s fault is it?”

“Who’s the person that’s hosting the party?”

“Andrew?” She stood up to put the spoon and tub away in the kitchen. The house wasn’t huge, so they were still within talking distance of each other. “I’m not saying I like the guy, but that’s a bit of a stretch, Marty.”

“No, think about it. Shelby was happy to invite you, even asked if you were still coming, and then all of a sudden you can’t go because she ‘doesn’t want Andrew getting hurt’? Didn’t she message you saying they were together trying to figure out food and drinks?”

Toni walked back out to the loungeroom. It made sense.

But she didn’t care anymore.

“You know what? If Shelby is stupid enough to listen to whatever comes out of that asshole’s mouth, then I’m not bothered to deal with it anymore. I’m going to bed.” She disappeared into the bedroom.

Marty was about to follow suit when she got a message.

**Shelby [8:19pm]:** hey, toni isn’t answering any of my messages, is she alright? is she at yours?

 **Martha [8:20pm]:** yeah she’s in bed right now, i think she turned her phone off

 **Shelby [8:20pm]:** can you tell her i said i’m sorry?

 **Martha [8:20pm]:** i think it’s best if it comes out of your own mouth

Shelby sighed as she got Martha’s message. Toni hated her; how was she meant to apologise?

She lay back onto her pink quilt, resting her phone on her stomach.

Her phone vibrated again.

**Martha [8:21pm]:** how are you and andrew?

She read back on their messages, wondering what could have caused Martha to ask the question.

**Shelby [8:22pm]:** we’re doing fine

 **Shelby [8:22pm]:** why?

 **Martha [8:23pm]:** curiosity

Shelby shot up as her door swung open. Her father walked in.

“Ten minutes until lights are off and phones are away, sweetheart.”

She smiled at him. “Is there any chance I could have my phone for a little longer? My friend and I were given this assignment today about the Italian Renaissance, and we’re really passionate about it.”

“The Italian Renaissance, interesting,” He stroked his chin. “You know, the Christian Church was the driving force behind most art inspirations. Without the Church, there would have been no art!” He laughed. “We might have some books about it in the garage, do you want me to go grab them for you?”

Shelby shook her head. “No, we’re just discussing it for now. I’ll have a look at them tomorrow, though, thank you.”

“No problem, sweet pea. Don’t stay up too late. Nine is the latest, alright?” He kissed Shelby’s forehead and walked out of the room.

**Shelby [8:25pm]:** can i call you?

 **Martha [8:26pm]:** sure

As soon as she answered the call, Shelby began explaining her afternoon.

-

_Saying Andrew’s house was massive was an understatement._

_It was one of those modernesque buildings made of no shapes other than squares and rectangles, like grey and white Lego blocks unevenly stacked on top of each other._

_They were sitting on a bench outside one of the few balconies, finalising things for Andrew’s party._

_“You’ve left this planning really late, haven’t you?” Shelby chuckled, reading the to-do list full of unchecked boxes._

_“That’s why you’re here to help.”_

_Shelby rolled her eyes and looked out to the view in front of them. It was astonishing; the light was just right, the sun making a beautiful green flash before it sunk just below the horizon. She tapped Andrew’s leg._

_“Isn’t that the purest thing you ever saw?” Her mouth was slightly agape in amazement. It was the first time she had ever witnessed something like that, both alone and with someone she loved._

_Andrew followed Shelby’s gaze, not knowing what she was talking about. He took a brief glance of the view, before shoving his face in the crook of her neck. “You’re so random.” He mumbled, as his lips made contact with her skin._

_Shelby cringed as she felt his light stubble scratch against her, noticing Andrew slowing moving his hand up her pink Nike top. She quickly pulled herself away from the boy, but his hand remained around her waist._

_“Oh, come on, babe. I haven’t seen you in like, a week, ‘cause of that stupid suspension Myers gave me.”_

_“We have to plan for your party, Andrew.”_

_Andrew groaned as he removed his hand. Shelby let out a breath, releasing the tension that had built up from his touch._

_“Alright, before we figure out what to buy, we need to know the amount of people that are actually coming.” Andrew gave her a blank stare as she waited for an answer. “How many people did you invite?” She elaborated._

_He shrugged. “I don’t know.”_

_“Well, assuming that the whole grade knows,” She muttered, writing down a bunch of scribbles that Andrew couldn’t understand. “There’s our group, the band kids, the jocks…” She continued listing the different friend groups at their school._

_After some time, she began writing the people that didn’t fit into any group._

_She remembered that she invited Toni. Pulling out her phone, she began to type up her message._

**_Shelby [5:07pm]:_ ** _andrew’s figuring out food and drinks so we’re trying to get a rough estimate of people that are coming_

**_Shelby [5:07pm]:_ ** _are you?_

_Andrew took the list from her lap to read the names. “Why is Toni Shalifoe on this list?”_

_Shelby had already pressed ‘send’ as he asked. “Oh, I invited her. Is that alright?”_

_Andrew nodded, unenthusiastically. “Yeah, yeah, I mean I said to invite people, so I can’t complain.” He gave the list back and played on his phone._

_Shelby tilted her head. “What is it?_

_He sighed, putting his phone away and turning to his girlfriend. “You know how the law works, right?”_

_“I mean, sort of.”_

_Andrew placed his arm around Shelby’s shoulders. “I’d love for her to be there, okay? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about equality. If lesbians want to come to my party, then they can certainly come to my party.” He laughed. Shelby raised an eyebrow._

_“But it’s Toni. If she comes and sees me, she’s gonna have a fit and I’m gonna have to defend myself.” He placed a comforting hand on her lap. “When someone calls the cops, I’m gonna be in a lot more trouble than she is, even if she started it, just because I’m a guy.”_

-

“He brushed it off and said that he’ll ‘make sure I had a good time without her there’, so I messaged her a couple minutes later saying she couldn’t come.” Shelby concluded.

“I can’t believe you believed him.” Martha scoffed. “Shelby, you have to understand that Toni would never do that, and even if she did, Andrew can easily avoid trouble by not hitting her back.

She bit her lip, waiting for the girl to continue.

“Toni isn’t the one obsessed with beating the other up. Andrew is.”

Shelby hung up, too defiant and too embarrassed to accept Martha’s statement.

If she were right, it was too late to fix anything anyways. Toni hated her from the start, and that was caused by something she had no control over.

The least she could do was apologise.

-

It was Friday evening, meaning that there was a basketball game on. Toni hadn’t misbehaved in class recently, so Ellis allowed her to play.

Their team won, 66 to 42.

The crowd had now filled the court, but the only person she wanted to talk to was Marty.

“So, first game in a while,” Martha began. “How do you feel?”

“Sweaty. Very sweaty.” Toni smiled. She began walking towards Marty, arms open to give her a hug, when she heard her name behind her.

“Shalifoe,” She turned around to see Coach Ellis, who proceeded to give her a pat on the shoulder. “Good game today.” She gave him an appreciative smile. “Stop mucking around in class, we need you on the court, alright?”

“Thanks, coach.”

As he walked away, she turned around to speak to Marty, but she had disappeared. Toni began scanning the stadium when she felt a delicate tap on her shoulder.

“Hey.”

Toni turned to see the one person she didn’t want to.

“What is it?” She snapped, looking up at the blonde.

“I wanted to apologise for uninviting you and making those assumptions about you.”

“Cool. Apology accepted.” Toni stepped back to look for Marty, when the same hand as before latched onto her wrist pulled her back. She yanked it out of Shelby’s grasp, now glaring at her.

“Look, I know you don’t want to see me and that this is worthless information to you, but I have to say this.” Shelby clasped her hands together, her voice shaky. “You’re welcome to come to Andrew’s party. I talked to Martha yesterday- “

“You did?” Toni interrupted.

Shelby nodded. “I did, and she made me realise my wrong doings, God bless the girl. So…” She twiddled her thumbs, waiting for a response.

Toni chewed on the side of her cheek. If Marty talked to her before this apology, then surely the girl understood how dumb she was. She held her hand out for her to shake.

Taking it, Shelby sighed, happy that they were at least on conversation terms. “Does this mean we’re good?”

“Yeah, we’re good. But this doesn’t mean we’re friends.”

Shelby nodded and left.

Martha sidled up next to Toni. “Are you guys okay now?”

Toni jumped at the sound of her voice. “Jesus Chri- yeah, we’re fine. Why?”

“Go get yourself ready and meet me at the car. I need to talk to you.”

-

“Remind me, why am I going to this stupid party again?” It was Saturday night, and Toni was getting ready to go out; a rare occasion for her.

Martha rolled her eyes. “I’m concerned about Shelby. I just want you to watch her.”

Toni put her brown jacket over her navy hoodie. “Babysitting duty? Why couldn’t you go?”

“I’ve got to babysit my _own_ siblings, but I told my mum the whole situation, so she was more than happy to catch the bus to work and leave me the car.”

Toni crossed her arms. “So, how are you picking me up if you’ve gotta take care of your siblings?”

“They’ll be asleep, meaning they won’t do anything. Stop trying to weasel your way out of this!”

“I’m not!” Toni threw her hands up in defence. “I just want to understand everything.” She bent down to tie her shoelaces. “What’s so worrying, anyways?”

Marty sighed. “I don’t think she remembers telling me, but she said that Andrew told her that he was going to 'make sure she had a good time', and I know there’s going to be alcohol there.” She stood up from her bed and walked over to Toni. “I’ve got a gut feeling that something might happen, and I just don’t want to find out that something did. You don’t need to stay there for long, just make sure Andrew isn’t gross.”

Toni stood up and began walking towards the door. “Alright. But either you or her owes me.”

“Message me when you need to be picked up,” Martha said, following her. “Have fun and be safe!”

“Okay, mom.” Toni chuckled, shutting the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, this was originally going to be a massive 6000 word long chapter, but i realised that if i did that, i might not actually get to write 10 different ways they say 'i love you' 
> 
> all i did was split the work, meaning that the other chapter has already been written and it is certainly more eventful, so i promise it'll come out tomorrow
> 
> also what are your opinions on chapter lengths? this one is certainly shorter than the last one, but idk if 2800 words is enough to satisfy y'all lol
> 
> ******************  
> feedback is always appreciated :))


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> drunk shelby is one interesting gal lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so much for one chapter a week
> 
> i enjoyed writing this chapter, so i hope you enjoy reading it :))

4. _I think you should get some sleep._

Toni had arrived at Andrew’s only an hour later than the time it started, and the place already looked like a mess. There was rubbish along the pathway up to his house and people already vomiting on the front yard.

She took a step towards the door.

“Toni?”

Recognising the voice, she turned around.

“Oh, Regan. I, uh, didn’t expect to see you here.”

Regan playfully hit her shoulder. “You’re one to talk. I came here for drinks, what are you doing here?”

Toni shoved her hands in her pockets. “Figured I should live out my high school years in the most stereotypical way possible.” She lied.

Regan nodded. “Oh, cool.” She looked up at the size of the house. “This place is way bigger than I thought.”

“Yeah,” Toni agreed, following her gaze. “Fucking one-percenters.”

Regan chuckled, beginning to walk to the house with Toni following.

The party was loud, a mix of people screaming at the top of their lungs and the music blasting through the speakers like thunder. It smelt foul from the combination of alcohol, sweat and vomit. The flashing lights replicated a police siren, the only difference being the variety of colour.

They walked into what they assumed was one of the living rooms, and sat down on one of the couches.

“Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry about the other night. I didn’t… You didn’t deserve that.” Regan apologised.

“Don’t worry, that wasn’t the worst thing that happened to me that night.” She laughed, playing with the drawstrings of her hoodie.

Sitting in an awkward silence, Regan made an attempt to change the topic. “Do you want a drink?”

Toni shook her head. “No, I’m alright. Thank you though.”

“Welp, I need one.” Regan smiled. She stood up, briefly hugging her before walking away. “I’ll see you around, Toni.”

“Well, that was fucking awkward.”

Toni whipped her head around to see a tall girl in a striped shirt and cargo pants standing behind her.

“Dot? What the fuck are you doing, eavesdropping?”

“You wish I cared that much about you.” She joked. “I’m only here for business.”

Toni only ever had one class with Dot, which was last year in chemistry. Sure, she enjoyed her company; she was an easy-going person and related to Toni’s problems in a sense, but the involvement she had in selling drugs made Toni worry about her future with sports, hence why she made it a point to never become close friends.

“Drugs at a party with alcohol? Man, that’s the best idea you’ve ever had yet.” She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Don’t be a bitch, you know I need the money. Besides, I made them more expensive.” Dot pulled out different amounted bills from her pocket, flashing them in Toni’s face. “Only drunk, rich, morons would buy some.”

Toni sighed. She certainly didn’t have the best morals sometimes, but knew that it wasn’t a good idea to sell in this setting.

“Speaking of drunk, rich morons,” Dot began, putting her money away. “You should’ve seen Shelby earlier. She was downing shot after shot, it was hilarious. I’ve seen such an innocent girl so fucking wild before. I’m surprised she hasn’t vomited yet.”

_Shit._

Toni had forgotten the reason why she was there in the first place.

“Did you sell anything to her?”

Dot shook her head. “Tonight is also a no-go for first-timers. I'm not a dumbass, jeez.”

Toni stood up. “Do you know where- “

“She’s out there playing beer pong.” Dot pointed to the back door. “You’re welcome.”

-

Toni walked out of the house to the patio, and there Shelby was. She was holding a beer in her left hand and a ping pong ball in her right, readying her shot.

She threw it and missed, hitting her opponent’s forehead instead of landing in a cup.

“Oh, shoot!” She giggled. “Sorry!”

The other girl, also clearly drunk and now frustrated, began to walk around the table, before a pair of arms wrapped around her waist, holding her back.

“Fatin, no! It was an accident, she didn’t mean to do that!”

“Accident, my ass! Let me go, Leah!”

The pair bumped into someone walking behind them, causing the person to spill her drink all over herself as they fell to the ground.

“What the fuck?!”

“Oh, shit, sorry Rachel. We didn’t mean to do that.”

“You mean _you_ didn’t mean to do that,” Fatin slurred, now sitting on top of Leah and jabbing a finger into her chest. “I was going to go strangle Miss ‘Legally Blonde’ over there with her own fucking hands.”

“Isaid‘msorry!” She shouted, words tumbling from her mouth in a rush of barely distinguishable syllables.

Toni quickly stepped in, turning Shelby around to face her. She took the beer bottle out of her hand and placed in on a bench near them. “I think that’s your last drink, you’re already drunk enough.”

“Hey, give that back… ‘m not… Toni?” Shelby placed a hand on her cheek. “You came?”

She swatted the girl’s hand off. “Yeah, let’s not be fucking weird about it. Where’s Andrew?”

Shelby shrugged. “Who cares, you’re ‘ere! You should join me!” She exclaimed, shoving her current partner away from the wooden table they were playing on.

Toni shook her head. “No, I’m not drinking tonight.”

“Then _I’ll_ have your drinks.” She enunciated. Toni could smell the alcohol from her words.

“No, you’ve had enough- “

“Shhhh,” Shelby placed a finger on Toni’s lips. “Come oooon, let’s have some fun!”

-

It was quarter to eleven when Toni played her final game. They won every single one, probably due to the fact that Toni wasn’t drinking. But even though that was the case, she still needed to use the bathroom. She walked inside the main part of the house, shoving past a bunch of sweaty kids.

Finally arriving at her target destination, she opened the door.

Her jaw dropped at the sight in front of her. There Regan was, leaning back on the sink, with Andrew pressed against her.

She slammed it shut, not wanting to see anymore between the two. It was a relief that they hadn’t realised she was there, but she wished it were the other way around.

_There’s no fucking way that just happened._

Toni’s need to pee suddenly disappeared. She went back outside, finding Shelby standing on the table, swinging a new bottle around.

“And here’s to my boyfriend Andrew, for hosting an unforgettable party, wherever… hic …he is!”

The crowd watching her cheered. Toni pulled on the girl’s arm to get down.

Noticing her presence, Shelby lifted her drink again. “Oh, and Toni for being a great beer ponger! Is that whatcha call it? I dunno… anyways, cheers!”

The crowd cheered a second time.

“Shelby, get down!”

“I hope y’all have a great… hic …evening!” She jumped off the table, using Toni’s shoulder as support. “That felt good. I should become a TV presenter or something.”

Toni wrapped her arm around Shelby’s waist to balance her. “Yeah, okay, you can do that later.” She reached out with her unoccupied hand. “Can I have your drink?”

Shelby shook her head, holding the bottle as far away as possible. “No! You took my last one, an’ now I can’t find it.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Did you… hic …spike it?”

“No, I would never- Can I please just have a sip?”

Buying her lie, Shelby gave the bottle to Toni, who put it on the same place as before. “Alright, come on, let’s get you home.”

“No, my parents don’t know I’m drinking,” She confessed, lowering her voice. “I’m meant to be having a sleepover here.”

“Yeah, no, that’s not happening.”

Toni began to walk her to the door. Realising that she was still attached Shelby, she removed her arm, feeling a bit weird keeping it there. Instead, she began guiding the girl up onto the short ledge. But as soon as Shelby stumbled straight after she let go of her hand, she immediately held her up again.

Pushing through crowds of people and carefully walking around the furniture, they finally reached the front of the house. Toni pulled her phone out of her back pocket and called Martha.

_“Hello?”_

“Hey, Marty, can you pick us up?”

_“Us? Who’s us?”_

“Me and Shelby. She’s trashed and I don’t want her staying here overnight.”

_“Okay, I’m on my way.”_

Toni checked the time before putting her phone away. She sat Shelby down on the lawn.

“Are you gonna kidnap me?” Her voice was dainty and soft like a feather.

Toni laughed, sitting next to her. She started playing the grass. “Not gonna lie, you’re probably worth a shit ton of money, but no, I’m not kidnapping you.”

Shelby scanned the area, as if she were searching for something or someone. “Where’s Andrew? He should be here with me, not you.”

Toni would be lying if she said that Shelby’s words didn’t sting. The combination of witnessing Andrew and Regan swapping spit and Shelby’s comment made her sick.

“Well, I’m here anyways, and I’m not planning on leaving.”

Not getting a response, Toni looked at the girl next to her, who was leaning over to the other side, beginning to make a grotesque sound.

“Oh, fuck.” Toni swore, instinctively holding Shelby’s hair back. “You good?”

Shelby shook her head, now on all fours, throwing up.

After a while, Shelby found herself cradling her head in her own hands as they waited for Martha to arrive. She felt a nudge on her shoulder.

“Our ride’s here.” Toni said, holding a hand out for her. She took it, slowly standing.

Toni walked her to the car, not letting go. If she did, Shelby probably would’ve fallen over again. She settled down into the back seat, resting her head on the window.

“I’ve got some plastic bags here, in case you needed to vomit.” Martha held a roll out to them whilst starting the engine.

Shelby gave her a tight-lipped smile, closing her eyes. "I'm okay, thank you."

The car went silent. She noticed they hadn’t moved yet.

“Uh, Shelby,” Toni began. “You’ve got to put your seatbelt on.”

Shelby sat up. “Hmm? What is it?” She mumbled, eyes heavy and barely open.

Toni reached over and fastened it herself. “Don’t worry, just get some rest.”

-

The drive was quiet.

Toni looked over at Shelby, watching her head bob against the window as they turned onto a rocky road. She gently moved it to lean on her shoulder instead.

Marty watched them in the rear-view mirror. “I don’t know what I’m owing you for tonight, but doing that isn’t getting you anything extra.” She teased.

“Shut up.” Toni scoffed. “You don’t owe me anything, Marty. I’d do this for anyone who’s this fucked.”

“Even Andrew?”

“Anyone _but_ Andrew.” Toni clarified.

She stared at the floor of the car, briefly glancing at Shelby from time to time. It was unusual to see the girl so peaceful around her.

“Is there space for her to sleepover?” She asked, realising that their house might not be able to accommodate two extra people.

If that were the case, Toni would volunteer to go home, or stay on the couch.

Only because she wasn’t the one wasted, obviously.

“Yeah, my mom’s working until morning, remember?" Marty reminded. "I’ll sleep in her room while you two can crash in mine.”

Amidst the stench of the cheap beer and vodka, Shelby’s strawberry scented perfume stuck out, filling the air around Toni. Noticing the blonde hair falling on her face, Toni brushed it away with her free hand.

When they arrived, she gently shook her. “We’re here.”

Shelby woke up, feeling a headache starting to emerge already. She struggled with the door, lightly pushing it as Toni opened it for her from the other side.

“Can you walk by yourself?” She asked.

“My legs aren’t broken, Toni. I think I’ll be fine.”

Toni nodded with no verbal reply. She led Shelby, who managed to follow closely behind her, to the entrance, warning her of a small staircase to come.

Of course, Shelby wasn’t listening and consequently tripped, grabbing onto Toni’s jacket, almost pulling her down. Her face flushed as Toni turned to stabilise her. “Okay, maybe I do need a little help.”

Toni held her by her waist like earlier, but this time, Shelby hooked her both her arms around her shoulder’s. Practically carrying Shelby, Toni walked took her to the bathroom and sat her down on the toilet seat cover.

She grabbed a cotton-pad, soaking it with micellar water.

“Why are you doing this?” Shelby questioned. She was still drunk, but seemed to be thinking more clearly now.

“Honestly, I don’t know. Consider it a thank you for the ride you gave me on Thursday.”

The truth was that Toni felt sorry for her. Here Shelby was, being taken care of by a girl she hated instead of her boyfriend, who Toni caught tongue wrestling with someone that she once loved.

She began wiping the blonde’s make-up off, lifting her chin with her empty hand. 

“I was, like, a total bitch to you that night.” Shelby muttered.

Toni whistled, as she started cleaning her forehead. “You say your prayers with that mouth?”

Shelby rolled her eyes. “Seriously though, you’re being way too nice right now. I feel like you’re about to ask this huge, illegal favour from me, or you’re gonna murder me or something.”

“I mean, it’s not like I didn’t think about it.” She felt a slap to her stomach. “Ouch, relax! I was kidding.”

Toni began working down the rest of her face. “Let’s just say I’m doing this because no one else is.”

They remained silent for the next few minutes. Shelby closed her eyes as Toni got to wiping her eyelids. She made sure not to press too hard, gently placing her other hand on her cheek.

When she stated she was done, Shelby didn’t re-open them.

Worried, Toni checked her pulse. She let out a breath, realising that she had just fallen asleep. She leant Shelby’s head against the wall when she heard a knock on the door.

She opened it to see Martha standing there, with some clothes in her hand. “Hey, are you guys good in there? I stopped hearing noises and thought you might’ve killed her.”

Toni scrunched up the cotton-pad in her hand. “Okay, I might be an ass sometimes, but I wouldn’t kill someone.”

Marty peered over her shoulder, noticing the girl sitting on the toilet. “So, you’re absolutely sure she’s not dead?”

Toni followed her gaze, watching Shelby’s slumped shoulders rise and fall with each breath. “Yeah. She was a dumbass for mixing her drinks, but she'll live.” She gestured at the clothes in Marty’s hands. “Are those for her?”

Marty nodded, handing them to her. “Here.”

Toni shook her head, pushing the clothes away.

“No, you should probably help her get changed. I don’t know how she’d feel finding out a lesbian undressed her.”

She walked out and held the door open for Marty, closing it behind her.

-

It was one in the morning when Shelby walked into the room, wearing an oversized t-shirt and what appeared to be a pair of Toni’s basketball shorts.

“Hey.” Shelby whispered.

Toni put a cup of water down on the bedside table. “Oh, hey.” She cleared her throat, adjusting the hem of her grey singlet.

“I, uh, got you some water.” She stammered, her arm pointing at the cup on the bedside table. “The bed’s yours, by the way. I’ll be on the floor.”

Shelby gave her a thankful smile and walked over to the bed, picking the cup up and taking a sip. She tucked her legs underneath the covers, sitting up against the headboard.

Toni was about to lie down herself before Shelby stopped her.

“Can you come sit next to me?” She asked, patting the spot next to her. “I’m not that tired yet.”

“Those power naps worked?”

Shelby nodded. “Naps help improve sleep and learning. I do it whenever I have free time.”

Toni rolled her eyes. “Even drunk, you’re still a fucking loser.” She sat down on the bed next to Shelby.

Neither person saying anything further, Toni began picking the lint on the blanket.

“Thank you.” Shelby mumbled.

“For what?”

“For taking care of me tonight. You didn’t have to.”

“I can’t say that I did it by choice,” Toni admitted. “Marty forced me to.” She looked at Shelby, who was fiddling with her silver cross necklace.

“My parents think I’m staying at Andrew’s place.” She sighed. “Who knows what I’d be doing now if I were still there.”

Toni chuckled. “You’d probably be up on a table, preaching to the crowd.”

Shelby shoved her. “I would not!”

“You didn’t see yourself tonight. If you did, I think you’d finally agree with me for once.”

Shelby sat quiet for a second, fidgeting with her hands. Toni thought they were about to sit in another silence before she felt the sheets move, as Shelby turned her whole body to face her.

“You know, I don’t hate you, Toni.”

Toni moved off the headboard, now sitting up straight.

“It’s just…” Shelby bit her lip. “You were right.”

Toni furrowed her brows, not knowing what the girl was referring to. “Right about what?”

“Andrew. You know, all our stupid arguments. You were right about pretty much everything.”

Toni looked down at her crossed legs, beginning to process Shelby’s words. Alcohol really was a truth serum.

“I guess I… I guess I just didn’t want to be wrong.” She stammered. “God, I’m such an idiot for defending him. I can’t believe I’m still dating him.”

Toni put a reassuring hand on her leg. “For what it’s worth, I think you deserve better.”

Shelby paused and thought about those words. She did deserve better.

She deserved to be with someone that didn’t manipulate her, lie to her, or make her feel uncomfortable whenever they hung out.

She looked into Toni’s eyes. They felt safe.

 _She_ felt safe.

Toni noticed the girl’s demeanour change. Shelby was now looking at her with a fiercely soft gaze. They stared at each other, Shelby breaking the eye contact as she glanced down at Toni’s lips.

_Oh._

Toni’s heartbeat began racing as Shelby gently ran a knuckle down the side of her cheek, cupping it. They gradually leant towards each other until their foreheads touched, breath fanning across their faces as one waited for the other to make a move.

Toni tensed as she realised what she was doing.

It was one thing to kiss who she _thought_ was a homophobic straight white girl.

It was another to kiss the intoxicated version of her.

She couldn’t.

Toni pulled back, causing Shelby to retract her hand.

“I think you should get some sleep.” She said, breathing slightly heavier than usual. “You had a lot to drink tonight.” 

The blonde inhaled deeply, averting her eyes from Toni.

Toni thought she’d panic or have an attack of some sort, blurt out a bunch of passages from the bible and beg for forgiveness.

Instead, she simply nodded, turned around and lay on her side, not saying a word.

Toni dragged a hand over face as she got up and lay on her own mattress. She stared at the ceiling.

_What the fuck was that?_

Her head was running at a hundred miles an hour. So much had happened in the last four hours, and she didn’t have enough energy figure it all out now.

There was nothing she could do until she woke up.

She couldn’t wait until she woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last scene was heavily inspired by 10 thing i hate about you lol
> 
> also i know the other girls' appearances were brief, but i needed to introduce them in a way before actually adding them to the story
> 
> ******************  
> feedback is always appreciated :))


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again
> 
> this chapter is much longer than the rest, but i didn't edit it that much, so please let me know if something doesn't make sense or if i made any plot mistakes lmao
> 
> quick disclaimer: becca's story from the show is mentioned in this chapter
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading :))

5\. _I’m not going to let you suffer when I know I can do something to help_.

It was 10am in the morning. Toni was in the kitchen making breakfast, Martha was setting up the table and her siblings were hanging in their rooms, doing what ten to twelve-year-olds do.

Shelby was still asleep.

“Hey, Marty, watch this,” Toni flipped the pancake currently in the pan, which inevitably landed on the wooden floor. “Fuck, nevermind.”

Marty turned her head to see Toni now crouched on the ground, cleaning up her mess. “I thought you said you would make whatever I chose for breakfast.”

“Yeah, well, your brother told me that he wanted pancakes because eggs are ‘old people food.’” She chuckled, putting the used paper towels in the bin. “And who am I to disagree?”

Martha rolled her eyes. “You’re such a child.”

“And you’re such a grandma.”

Toni continued to pour batter into the pan with a smile on her face. Mornings at the Blackburn’s always put her in a good mood. She had only recently caught onto the routine they followed. They’d turn on the radio, open the blinds around the house (which she did, apart from Martha’s room where Shelby was sleeping); one person would prepare breakfast for everyone, following a pattern to determine whose turn it was, and although it was Marty’s, Toni decided to take over for today. Once everything else was done, they’d eat (preferably together, but Mrs. Blackburn had a busy schedule).

In comparison to her own foster home, they’d eat. Sometimes, she’d be pleasantly surprised by a bowl of cereal waiting for her at the table.

She turned around after hearing another pair of footsteps, watching Shelby stumble into the dining room, rubbing her eyes. Her hair was in a somewhat neat messy bun, probably put up before coming out, her voice raspy as she whispered a ‘morning’ to Marty. She sat down at the dining table, swallowing an Advil and a glass of water already prepared for her.

It reminded Toni of last night. The way Shelby was off her face, asking about her boyfriend that was busy doing anything or _anyone_ else. The words they exchanged about him, and an apology she never thought to hear from her mouth. The way that she looked at her with such intensity whilst holding her face, as if she were a precious gem. How she seemed so unbothered as Toni backed away from their _almost_ kiss.

She wondered if she remembered anything.

They briefly made eye contact, before Shelby looked away, finding sudden interest in the clock on the wall.

She probably did.

Toni placed the pancake on another stack, topping it off with whipped cream and strawberries. She grabbed a knife and fork, and brought the plate out to Shelby.

“I thought you’d be a strawberry and cream kinda person. If not, there are some other plain pancakes I can get for you.”

Shelby shook her head. “No thank you. This is good.”

Toni smiled softly, before walking away.

Marty followed, lightly nudging her shoulder as they stood next to each other in front of the stove. “What was that about?”

“What?”

“The whole ‘strawberries and cream kinda person.’” Marty said. “Have you gone soft, Toni?”

Toni scoffed. “Never.” She poured the last of the batter into the pan, noticing how unconvinced Marty was. She sighed. “Look, it’s complicated. Can I tell you about it later?”

Marty nodded, taking her plate now saturated with syrup and sitting next to Shelby.

Toni watched as the two talked, trying to figure out what her next move was. It was clear that the blonde remembered some parts of last night; she just didn’t know which part. Shelby seemed uncomfortable around her, but that could be because she was in a totally different environment to what she was used to.

But she couldn’t discredit her remembering the last part of their night. Shelby didn’t freak out like she thought, even stayed calm and fell asleep instantly. Maybe she was embarrassed. Or maybe she was mad at her. No, that wasn’t right, there was no reason for that. She didn’t kiss her. She didn’t even initiate it-

“Are you coming, Toni?”

She looked up at them, only assuming that Marty was the person who asked.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just gonna go get your siblings.”

She walked past them, glancing at Shelby who never took her eye off her plate.

-

“So, how are you feeling?” Martha asked, as Toni left the room.

“Well, my headache isn’t as bad as I thought,” Shelby poked at the strawberry on the top of her pancakes, resting her head on her fist. “But I’m still glad I convinced my father to attend the church’s afternoon service. If we went to our usual morning mass, I would not survive.” 

Martha smiled, taking a piece into her mouth. “What time does it start?”

“Three o’ clock,” She answered. “But I can’t stay long. I think I left my car and all my belongings at Andrew’s place.”

“Oh, that reminds me; I put your clothes in a tote bag near the entrance.” Martha pointed at the door. “I’m happy to drop you off too, just let me know when you want to head out.”

Shelby was about to thank her, before two energetic kids came running down the hall. She almost laughed at the look on their faces as they skidded to a sudden stop, realising her presence. She gave them a small wave, as they walked into the kitchen to get their servings.

She noticed Toni following shortly behind, grabbing her own plate. She gulped as the girl took the empty seat on the other side next to her.

“Not hungry?”

Shelby looked down at the stack of pancakes she barely touched. She almost felt bad for only eating the strawberries, but the events from last night had distracted her hunger.

“Oh, no. I’ll… I’ll take it home if that’s okay.” She said, to not be rude.

Toni nodded. “Yeah, sure. I’ll pack it up for you before you go.”

Shelby tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, fiddling with her necklace. Last night was the first time she had ever gotten drunk, but she remembered most of it (at least the moments that Toni were around her).

She wished she hadn’t.

No, the splattering of puke on the grass and the aftertaste of bile covering her tongue until she was able to wash it out wasn’t a fun memory, but it would have been easier if it were the only one.

Shelby had gone through it all before. Kissing another girl. She had already been given the lecture about homosexuality being abnormal or a ‘sin’ from her parents.

She stopped believing them when she ended up hurting someone close to her.

_TWO YEARs AGO_

**_Becca [3:18pm]:_ ** _Hey im here at your house_

_Shelby didn’t know how she felt about Becca. It was either a mix of anger and fury from her telling her parents about Shelby’s impulsive kiss, but also embarrassment and shame from kissing her in the first place._

_She didn’t know what came over her that night. Her and Becca had been close ever since the start of middle school, and she never thought of them as more of friends._

_It was just an ordinary Sunday night. Becca was hanging out in Shelby’s room while she was trying on her dress for an upcoming pageant, most likely staying late enough for supper. Shelby walked in, giving a usual twirl and curtsy to show it off. Long story short, they began to muck around, and somehow ended up on the ground, laughing their heads off. Shelby had never felt so happy in a while and she knew giving a simple hug was nowhere near the amount of affection she wanted to give the girl at that moment._

_So, she kissed her._

_Now, she was standing out the front of her house almost a week later._

_“I told you to stop contacting me, what if my parents saw you?”_

_“I just wanted to explain.” Becca was holding her shoulders trying to calm Shelby down, but she quickly shrugged them off, bringing her hands up to her face. “Why, why, why did you tell your parents?”_

_Her explanation consisted of assumptions which didn’t make sense. It seemed stupid to think that Shelby would tell her father, who runs conversion therapy, that she kissed her best friend._

_At least she tried to make it sound less worrying by saying they were ‘just kidding around’._

_“Or you wanted this.” Shelby finally responded to her, after avoiding eye contact for so long. “You wanted to be life as fucked up as yours is.”_

_“I don’t know what you mean.”_

_She wished she could take back the next few words she spat out at the girl._

_Shelby had confided in her a lot in the past, and she did the same to Shelby. There was one moment at the bowling alley, where Becca had told her about her stepbrother, Brian. They’d fool around a couple of times, make out. At some point, she felt the need to give him blow-jobs to keep him interested._

_Becca was thirteen. He was nineteen._

_God, it made Shelby sick to the stomach when she first heard that story, she almost cried on the spot. She had just found out that her best friend had been taken advantage of by someone that she trusted._

_She remembered feeling some sort of betrayal when Becca hadn’t told her sooner._

_“When you told me, I was disgusted. And I know that everyone else will be too.”_

_Shelby began ranting on about how she felt sorry for her. Pitied her. A bunch of bullshit to convince herself and Becca that she wasn’t at fault here._

_“Look, I know that you’ve been sick, mentally,” Shelby was referring to Becca’s past, her ‘turn to the dark side’ as they called it, whenever they talked about it. “I just mean that, maybe on top of all your other issues, you’re like, overly sexual, or something.”_

_Becca’s demeanour changed. “Shelby. You kissed me.”_

_Shelby pushed the girl against the window wall. “Shut up, just, shut up!” She let go of the girl, her breaths ragged and uneven. Becca tried to comfort the girl, telling her that she’d never judge her, and understood what she was going through._

_But Shelby cut her off._

_“Stay the fuck away from me.”_

_Those were the last words she said to her._

_She remembered a conversation she had with her father in the kitchen the next day. He was running on their treadmill, purposefully ignoring Shelby who was standing next to him._

_“Can you just look at me? I’m right here.”_

_He stopped the treadmill, brushing past her and getting a glass of water. He wiped his face with a piece of cloth._

_“Daddy, can you… Can you just say something?”_

_Her father had both hands gripping the benchtop. “I know that some people see me as some backwards, hill-billy Texan, just using the bible to preach hate. I don’t hate anyone.”_

_“I know, I know.” Shelby was relieved that her father was finally talking to her._

_“And I pray for everyone, even if they don’t deserve it,” He looked up at her, eyes boring into her soul. “And can’t be saved. I still pray.”_

_S_ _he knew exactly what he meant when he said that._

_Her pageant came along a few days later. That’s when she heard the news of Becca’s suicide._

_She stood on the stage in front of thousands, beginning to sing a slowed rendition of the song Becca had chosen for her._

_For a moment, it felt like no one was there. Just her, singing to her best friend who she wished were in the crowd, cheering her on. Tears welled from deep inside and coursed down her cheeks._

_It wasn’t until she finished that she snapped out of her trance, the applause echoing throughout the auditorium._

_It was when they got home that Shelby realised that she was wrong. Wrong about her father’s service and his beliefs that she blindly followed. Her whole family seemed so unfazed that she had lost her best friend, probably because she managed to convince them that Becca kissed her and she was trying to stop it._

_All her best friend wanted to do was help and support her._

_And she was blinded by her own self-hatred._

Shelby stopped playing with her necklace, the guilt she carried being too much to handle. She had pushed the memory into the cobwebs of her brain to be left untouched, but the situation she was in reminded her of it.

She didn’t know what to do. The only similarity between the two events was that Shelby had made the first move. She ignored her best friend before; perhaps ignoring the night altogether was the best option. It wasn’t like they were close enough for Toni to worry. Sure, Toni would maybe wonder why Shelby was avoiding her, but she could easily say that she was drunk and couldn’t remember anything. She could just go back to hating her.

But there was a chance that Toni could tell everyone. Expose Shelby and tarnish her reputation.

She couldn’t go through it all again. Shelby had made peace with herself, but if her father had threatened conversion therapy before, there was no doubt that if he found out she almost kissed another girl again he’d go through with his threat.

Shelby just wanted to forget about last night altogether. For now, she had to leave.

“Uh, would it be alright if we went now, Marty? I wouldn’t want to overstay.” She saw Toni roll her eyes in the corner of her own.

Hating her would be easy.

-

After a twenty-minute car ride, Shelby made her way into Andrew’s house. The door was unlocked which probably wasn’t very safe, but neither were the few people fast asleep on the front lawn. As she walked inside, she instantly found her phone on the counter near the door, picking it up.

“Hey baby.”

Shelby jumped as two arms wrapped around her from behind. She quickly turned around, now face to face with Andrew.

“I was looking for you last night, where were you?”

She was about to come up with some lie, but Andrew didn’t give her a chance to say anything. He crushed his lips against hers, his tongue sliding in to force her lips apart. Shelby stood frozen, tasting the alcohol still on his lips.

She tried to move but remained in place, back already against the counter. “Andrew.” Shelby mumbled, however, not very clear. She placed a hand on his bare chest trying to hold him back, but he stuck to her like glue.

Eventually, he did pull away, grinning sheepishly. She wiped the saliva off her face.

“Your dad called, but don’t worry; I told him you’re safe and sound in my arms.” He caressed her cheek, leaning in for another kiss, if you could call it that. “I think he likes me.”

She ignored his comment, wanting to leave the place as quickly as she could. “I’ve got to get home. Have you seen my keys?”

“Come on, babe. We didn’t spend any time together last night. I know the bedroom’s free,” He teased as his hand wandered down to her lower back.

Shelby pushed him back with more force, causing him to be out of reach. “Now’s not the time.”

Andrew sighed and pointed towards the kitchen. “I think I saw them on the microwave.”

Another ten minutes later, she found herself standing out the front of her own doorstep, hesitant to go inside. Looking down, she realised she probably should have freshened up a bit. There was never a moment in time where she didn’t look somewhat presentable in front of her parents. Even when she woke up in the morning, she’d fix her hair; maybe even change her clothes if they were too wrinkled for her family’s liking.

She couldn’t do that now.

Shelby opened the door and walked down the hall, leading into the kitchen. She found her mother sitting at the counter drinking a cup of tea, and her father standing in front of her, arms crossed.

“Hey. Did you have fun?”

Shelby nodded. “Yeah, it was good.” She put her bags next to her bedroom door, observing her parents. Her mother was playing with her teabag, whilst her father stared at her.

“What’s wrong?”

Her dad pulled out his phone to show her a video he must’ve found on someone’s story. It showed her standing on a table with a beer in hand, swaying about and yelling at the crowd before Toni helped her down.

“Care to explain?”

Shelby opened her mouth to speak, but couldn’t form an explanation that wouldn’t further disappoint her parents. What was she supposed to say? ‘Oh, don’t worry dad, I just lied to you about a sleepover at Andrew’s because I wanted to drink alcohol without your knowledge, but don’t worry, a girl that fights with my boyfriend daily and is the same girl helping me in that video took care of me and I stayed at her best friend’s house instead of Andrew’s.’

“I called Andrew’s parents. Turns out they’re out of town and weren’t aware of this party.”

Shelby placed a hand on her forehead. He was sure to have a go at her later.

“Dad- “

“You lied to us, Shelby.” Her father’s voice was stern with no vestige of sympathy in its hardness. She noticed the veins in his neck standing out in livid ridges. They stood in silence for a moment, the only interruption being a deep breath. He turned around to the benchtop, his hands splayed out on the marble in front of him. He waved her away, dismissively. “I’ll deal with you after church. Go to your room.”

Shelby abided by his command and went to her room to freshen up. She began to unpack her things, pulling out a Tupperware container with the pancakes Toni had made for her earlier. They still looked somewhat appealing to eat, regardless of the whipped cream messily spread all over.

After some consideration, she decided to give them to her siblings.

-

“So, are you going to explain why you were so nice to Shelby?”

Toni rolled her eyes as she stacked the plates on the table. “It’s really not that big a deal, Marty.” She walked over to her, who was washing the dishes, and put them in the sink. “I promise.”

“No, you said it was complicated. I want to know.”

Toni realised her mistake.

She had originally wanted to tell Marty about Regan and Andrew, but described it as ‘complicated’ because she wasn’t thinking of them in the moment; she was thinking of Shelby (which, yeah, was complicated). But she couldn’t tell Marty about that. It was clear that Shelby remembered, but Toni didn’t know if she was alright with it. Until they talked, not a word was to be said to Marty or anyone.

“I was just overreacting; it isn’t really complicated.”

“Toni- “

“But I’m still going to tell you.” She finished, hopping up onto the benchtop.

“I caught Regan and Andrew hooking up at the party last night.”

Marty dropped her sponge to put a hand over her mouth, soon retracting it after tasting soap. After some spluttering and an annoyed look given to Toni (who was laughing her head off), she finally formed enough words for a response. “Oh my god, really?”

Toni nodded, smirking as Marty began to gag.

“Ew, I’m picturing it now! That’s so gross!”

“Uh, I saw the real thing. How do you think I feel?”

Toni thought back to the moment, actually thinking about what she saw. She remembered seeing Andrew’s arm holding Regan around the waist, his tongue darting in and out of her mouth in a way that couldn’t possibly feel good. She also remembered seeing Regan running a hand through his unkempt hair, the other snaking its way into his-

“Are you being kind to Shelby because you feel sorry for her?”

Toni looked at her, thankful that she spoke before she remembered too much. “I think so. I can’t really do anything else.”

Marty began rinsing the dishes. “You can tell her, you know. That’s an option too.”

“I don’t know, Marty.” She sighed. “Obviously, I would, but it’s Shelby. She wouldn’t believe me.”

That was a lie. Toni didn’t care if Shelby believed her or not, she would tell her anyways. But with everything that happened last night, she didn’t want to put too much onto the blonde’s plate.

“It’s up to you, Toni. It’s a hard situation to be in, and I would hate to be in your position.”

Toni rolled her eyes. “Wow, thanks Marty. That really helps.”

“I try my best.”

It was Monday, the first school day since the party. After lots of consideration, Toni thought that it was probably best to discuss Andrew cheating anyways (before anything else), deciding that if she saw Shelby, she’d tell her. It wasn’t like she was going to purposely try and find her, but it wasn’t like she was going out of her way to avoid her either.

Yet somehow, she hadn’t seen her until their history lesson in the afternoon.

Shelby had beaten her to class as per usual. As she sat down next to the girl, she considered how to bring it up. It was the first time they were going to talk since Sunday. Maybe easing her into it was a good idea.

“How are you?”

Shelby didn’t answer.

Toni pressed a little further. “Listen, we need to talk.”

She watched as the girl’s muscles along her jaw clenched. “No, we don’t.”

“Uh, yeah, we do. I have to tell you something.”

Shelby looked down, paying no attention to her. She flipped open her textbook and began reading out loud.

Toni started getting impatient. “Okay, real fucking mature, Shelby.” She noticed as the girl paused for a moment, waiting for Toni to stop talking before continuing to read. “Can you stop being an ass for once and listen to me?”

Shelby finally looked up, glaring at the girl. “Interrupt my reading one more time, and this book will become a lethal weapon.”

Toni pushed her textbook to the side. “Fuck you and your reading! I’m trying to talk to you about something, and you’re acting like a child!”

“We have nothing to talk about, Toni!”

They were now loud enough for people around them to hear, which gained Mrs. Pierre’s attention.

“Is there a problem, girls?”

Toni shook her head as Shelby stood up.

“Can I go to the bathroom, Miss?”

Mrs. Pierre nodded. “Yes, of course. Just grab the hall pass before you leave.”

Shelby walked up to her desk and then out of the room.

Toni didn’t see her for the rest of the lesson.

She was now at basketball training, but it would have probably been best if she didn’t go, still running hot after school.

Coach Ellis ended up making the team play a game against each other, but every time Toni took a shot, she missed, leading to her coach pulling her aside for a chat. “Look, I don’t know what’s happened with you recently, but if you want to play this Friday, you better pick up your game.”

Toni gave him a quick nod before jogging back onto the court.

It didn’t take long for her to get called off again.

She had been given the ball and was now dribbling down the court. She ended up barging into Rachel, causing the girl to fall back. As Coach Ellis blew his whistle, Toni groaned loudly and stopped running, holding the ball. She walked back to Rachel and held an arm out to help her up, but the girl slapped it away, standing up on her own.

“What’s your fucking problem?” Toni snapped.

“Fuck you, Shalifoe.”

“Do you really wanna start something?”

The two began shoving each other each other whilst the rest of the team crowded around them. Coach Ellis quickly intervened, stepping in between them. “Cut it out, both of you!” He yelled. He pointed at Toni. “You know what, you can go home and think about if you really want to be on this team.”

“Are you shitting me right now? I didn’t even start it-“

“Now.” He commanded.

Toni scoffed, throwing the ball across the gym before storming out.

Sweat dripped down the side of her head as she walked out to the parking lot, but she didn’t know what from. It could have been the mix of the sun and basketball training, or the fact that she was furious at her coach for blaming her again. Maybe she was still feeling the effects of Shelby’s annoyingness earlier.

She was ready to shout at the top of her lungs before she noticed a couple standing by a pickup truck. Toni walked closer, recognising the pair.

“…Thanks to you, I’m in major shit with my parents.”

“Andrew, that wasn’t my fault. I didn’t tell my dad about the party, he found out on social media-“

“Then, yeah it’s your fucking fault!” Andrew slammed his fist on the car door.

“Hey, dickhead!” Toni shouted, dropping her bags. “Aren’t you late for your hand job appointment with Regan?”

She didn’t know why she was intervening. They were the last people she wanted to deal with right now, but with the way Shelby was standing, arms crossed and looking away, and how Toni knew that she would crawl back to Andrew afterwards, she felt the need to do something. If that didn’t make sense to her in the future, then she could just say that she used Andrew as an excuse to blow off some steam.

She began to walk up to him, clenching her fists.

“Go fuck yourself, Toni.”

Shelby looked up at him with furrowed brows. “What’s she talking about?”

Toni walked closer. “Your boyfriend here is a fucking cheater.” She glared at the other girl. “That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier, but you decided to be a bitch and ignore me.”

Andrew wasn’t going to bother pretending it didn’t happen; the hole was already too deep. There would be a lot of explaining to Shelby that he just wasn’t bothered to do.

Before he could respond, Toni’s fist connected with the right-side of his jaw, making him stumble over to the side. She had thought it was hard enough for him to just take the hit and go, but soon realised she was wrong as a punch from Andrew doubled her over, expelling every bit of air in her stomach. He massaged his jaw, raising his fists. “You fucking bitch.”

Toni stood up straight, eyes bulging with rage as she stared at Andrew. She swung her arm towards him, but it felt sluggish. She knew she had let her emotion make the moves for her. The boy had ducked under it, countering with another body shot to one of her ribs, sending fresh ripples of pain through her torso. She didn’t fall; she made sure to not do that, but it was certainly unexpected, and certainly painful.

He had gone in for another hit, but Toni had gotten him first in the nose, following with three more punches straight after. Andrew fell over, eyes visibly watering.

Then, he got up again. After giving her all in the left-right-left combination along with the pain in her guts and ribs, the last thing she wanted to see was him on his feet.

Shamefully, she was thankful he backed off instead of retaliating.

“You better watch your fucking back, Shalifoe.” Andrew scrambled into the driver’s seat of his pickup.

“Fuck you.” Toni spat out, flipping him off as he drove away. She put her hands on her knees once she was certain he were gone.

She took a few deep breaths, before feeling a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay?”

She quickly brushed off who she assumed was Shelby. “I'm fine. Go away.” She pulled her phone out of her pocket to call Marty, but she cursed when it didn’t turn on.

“I’d offer you mine, but my dad took it off me.”

“I don’t give a shit, Shelby.” Toni muttered, clutching her stomach as she walked over to where she left her bags. She winced as she bent down.

Shelby rolled her eyes and jogged over to her. “You should sit down. Go over to my car, and let me get these. I’ll give you a lift.”

“I can take care of myself.” She pushed Shelby away, picking her training bag up with her free hand.

“You just got punched in the stomach, Toni. You can’t breathe properly- “

“I don’t need your fucking charity!”

“Listen here, you stubborn piece of shit.” Shelby grabbed her wrist, locking eyes with the injured girl to make sure she was listening. “I know I’m not your favourite person right now, but I’m not going to let you suffer when I know I can do something to help.” She picked up all the bags and walked over to her car.

Hearing Shelby swear was not common, so Toni reluctantly followed.

The blonde unlocked her car, throwing her bags in the boot. She gestured to the front seat.

“Get in.”

Toni opened the door and sat down into the familiar seat, grimacing as the leather seats burned her legs.

“Martha’s house?”

“No, mine.” Toni said. She wasn’t planning on telling Marty what she had just done, but if she rocked up at her place with Shelby carrying her bags, she’d ask way too many questions, and _someone_ would end up spilling the truth. “I’ll tell you how to get there.” 

When they arrived at her destination, Shelby somehow beat her to opening the door on her side of the car.

“Is there anyone inside to help you?” Shelby asked, noticing the lack of cars, or lack of anything that suggested someone lived in there, really.

Toni shook her head. “My foster parents have been at some retreat with their kids since Friday. They get back tomorrow.”

“Alright, well, I’m coming in with you.”

Shelby grabbed Toni’s bags, following her to the entrance of the house. She observed the area. It was as if the family that purchased the huge land thought it came with a house. The building was only slightly bigger than a granny flat, and the tin sheds randomly placed surrounding it seemed to be barely holding together with glue. Despite no one other than Toni around, she felt out of place with her pink singlet and white denim shorts.

Although the inside of the house had worn-out furniture all around, and the dull wallpaper was certainly due for an update (in both colour and material), it was tidy, in contrast to the outside. Shelby wondered how many of them lived here.

“You can put my bags over there, near my room.”

Shelby dropped them where the girl gestured. She watched as Toni sat on the couch, sinking into the cushions. “Do you have any ice packs?” She asked.

Toni nodded. “Yeah, they’re in the freezer.”

After a few tugs on the door handle, Shelby managed to get it open and grabbed an ice pack. She walked over to Toni and sat next to her.

“Put this where it hurts. It should decrease the swelling and pain.” She held it out to Toni, who crossed her arms, staring at it.

“You know it’s just a bruise, right?”

“Yeah, that’s why you held your stomach the whole way here.” Shelby shoved the ice pack forward, her hand beginning to sting from the cold. “Just take the damn thing. Please.”

Toni rolled her eyes and put it on top of her shirt. She sighed in relief; she wasn’t going to lie, it helped numb the pain.

“Why are you here, Shelby? One moment you’re ignoring me, and then you’re in my house trying to help me the next.”

“Am I not allowed to help you?”

“No.”

Shelby scoffed, but didn’t say anything back. They sat in silence for a while, until Toni looked at her, fidgeting with her necklace. She seemed to be thinking about something, holding a concentrated gaze across the room.

“Was Andrew all you wanted to talk to me about earlier?”

Toni raised an eyebrow. “Yeah. Why?”

Not getting an answer, she was about to go off at Shelby again for avoiding her questions, but the blonde prevented that from happening as she turned her whole body to face her.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?”

Toni was taken aback by the question. She didn’t think they’d be having this conversation right now, let alone have Shelby initiate it. “What are you on about?”

“Don’t play dumb. I know you didn’t drink that night, so you know exactly what I’m talking about. Why didn’t you kiss me?” Although her voice was slightly shaky, Toni (who was still trying to process what was happening) felt the hostility in her harsh tone, like she was being reprimanded.

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now- “

“Just answer the fucking question, Toni!”

Toni sat up and turned to her, causing the ice pack to fall to the ground. She couldn’t tell why Shelby was pushing so much, but she had been yelled at enough today. “Fine! I didn’t kiss you, because you were fucking drunk, Shelby!” Toni raised her voice, sick of people getting mad at her for no reason. First, it was Rachel, then Coach Ellis. And now it was Shelby (again), who had no reason to be mad. “Unlike Andrew, I actually care about you and like any decent human being, I didn’t take advantage of you.”

Shelby didn’t back down, holding her glare, but she seemed to be at a loss for words, mouth slightly agape with no sound coming out. Toni didn’t know what the girl was going to do with her confession, but she didn’t anticipate what happened next.

Shelby lurched forward, pressing her lips against Toni’s. It took her by surprise, so she briefly pulled away. The girl didn't look ashamed or embarrassed, rather, looked at her with the same intensity as two nights ago.

Except, this time, she was sober.

She pressed forward again, but Toni was prepared, returning the kiss. She placed a hand on Shelby’s thigh whilst the other girl put a hand on either side of her face, holding her as close as possible. It felt desperate, either a way to get her to stop insulting Andrew, or result of pent-up energy since Saturday.

When Shelby climbed on top of Toni, effortlessly straddling her, she figured it was the latter.

Shelby kissed her a little harder, biting her bottom lip. Toni tried hard not to groan, but when Shelby slipped her tongue past her lips, she couldn’t help it. Toni had no doubt kissed girls before, but kissing Shelby was an entirely different experience. Rather than taking control like she usually would, she found herself letting Shelby take the lead, being cautious to not do anything that would unknowingly make her uncomfortable. But with the way that she pressed herself down onto Toni, taking her lips into her own, it seemed like she was completely fine.

There was no doubt that the blonde knew what she was doing, but it made Toni cringe as she thought about the only other person she could have done this with.

She quickly realised she was thinking too much when she noticed that she was being relatively tame, keeping her hands on the small of the girl’s back. Shelby’s were roaming all over her body, framing her face and tracing her sides, catching on the hem of her shirt each time they went up.

Toni winced as she pressed a little too hard on the right-side of her torso.

Shelby pulled back, breathlessly. “Crap, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Toni looked up at the girl, observing her expression. It was softer than earlier, with what seemed to be actual concern in her eyes. “Are _you_ okay?”

Shelby nodded, but the way that she took her hands off Toni, accompanied with the new frantic look on her face made it seem like she had only just realised what they were doing.

“I think we need to talk.” Toni said. “Like, about everything.”

“I think so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so, i just wanted to apologise if shelby seems a bit out of character due to the internalised homophobia she battles being a bit glossed over. i wanted to say that the only reason that i didn't go in depth is because i didn't know how to write it, and didn't want to make wrong assumptions on people's experiences, thoughts, etc
> 
> however, i hope you liked this chapter nonetheless. i can't say for sure when the next chapter is coming, but i know for a fact that any questions you might have will be answered then
> 
> ******************  
> feedback is always appreciated :))


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